Double appointments and peeing in a cup!

Is there a worse hell on earth than the pediatrician's office? 

Maybe if you have one of those super calm, easygoing kids, a visit to the doctor isn't so bad.  At least it means you get out of the house.  If that's the case, you can stop reading right now.  But for most of us, it's the kind of visit that makes you sweat... literally drenching my clothes trying to keep my kids on their best doctor behavior.  So what do I do because I don't have a brain...I schedule a double appointment.  I mean knock them out at one time right?  Smart if you are trying to save gas but STUPID if you are not!  And this day I was the later!

I've tried several different recommended tactics to prepare my son for the doctor.  I've done the emotion coaching and the fair warnings ('tomorrow, we get to go to the doctor!' and 'in five minutes, we get to go to the doctor!').  Nothing has worked.  My now three-year-old gets riled up about it as soon as I squeak out the word doctor-- whether it's a week or two minutes before the appointment.

So how do we survive it?  Can he have [two packages of] candy in the car?  Sure.  Dont judge me!  Can he hold onto my phone and look at pictures while waiting for the doctor.  Yep.  Anything to calm him down and prevent the red-faced crying that I (and the doctor and nurses) are bound to eventually endure.  But the fun has just begun!  The real treat is when the physical exam begins.  If you ever need help pinning your child's arms and legs down so the doctor can peek into his ears or look at his throat, call me.  I've had loads of experience with it.  But then the doozy came, see since he is now three he has to pee in the cup!  I had to kinda giggle...I mean and break out in a sweat.  I have a nine month old who is hanging on my hip trying his best to rip my shirt off cause he is hungry.  Both my kids are naked for their exams and you want me to get my kid to pee in a cup?  Picture me in a small tiny bathroom with a screaming hungry nine month old, whipping out the boob so people will stop giving me the "oh my gosh you are starving your baby stare" all while kneeling on the floor helping my three year old aim into a cup!  Now that my friends is a sweaty mama moment!  Hunter was a trooper...he thought it was great and we laughed so hard!  So I learned that peeing in a cup can change a doctors appointment and make his doctor phobia disappear.  Who would have thought it could be so easy!  Well that is until you get home and he thinks he can pee in bowls, cups or buckets. Yep...fun times!

Here's hoping we won't be heading back there anytime soon or I may need to take Valium first!

Boy do I need Grace...so pray for that please!

So I am not writing this to be hateful....I write mostly to vent or share or ask for prayers.  And today I am asking for both Grace and prayers, guess that means I need you to pray for Grace.  When I married my husband I knew he had EX's and I knew he had children.  I came into the relationship with EX's and no children.  But boy I wish I knew then what I know now.  See I thought I could change the world.  I thought that I could smooth the relationship between the ex wife and have this fantastic relationship with the children whom I love dearly, but today the relationship is not what I had envisioned at the beginning.  This ex is not like anyone I had ever encountered.  I will ask for prayers for her as well!  We had to get some child support papers modified today because one of the children turned 18.  This child of hers my husband adopted when they married.  As they signed the modification papers she says to him that they would like to terminate the adoption and have been wanting to for years.  You see this is the deal...she has been wanting to for years and she chose not to because that would mean she could no longer receive support for that child.  So for the last three years she has collected from us and we have STRUGGLED to pay.......why?  She didnt want Dan to be her father for three years....what! You see where I am going here.  She has been laughing right to the bank this whole time!  This is just one story of many many.  Many tears, many sleepless nights and many many dollars!  I am angry to say the least at her audacity, but not surprised.  This is just however another twist to the knife that has been in our spine for a long time.  So this is where I am, please pray for me cause I need to find the grace I know I have, and at this very minute it's no where in sight.  And I am also asking you to pray for her and that she finds peace in her life.  Also for anyone that is judging me right now for writing this please forgive me...it's been a long hard road.

Love does exist!

The movies screens portray love as a crazy romantic race through traffic while a man comes from out of nowhere and rescues you from near death collision.....And a kiss that tilts worlds is seen at the top of a high rise or at the beach with the saltwater covering your toes.

But this man that I married? He’s never dashed through traffic and saved me from a near death collision.  

There was that one night when he read me the sweetest note ever and got on his knee and my whole universe started spinning as he asked for forever. And I giggled yes as the stars seemed to twinkle just for us.

I thought my heart would nearly burst.

But in the movies, that’s the part where the story ends. The lights turn on.

The living of love gets lost in the credits.

There was the day he met me at the hospital, and held my hand through the tests and the needles and the pain aching for the baby we never got to hold. And though I couldn’t breathe past the tears, I never did suffocate with him by my side.

And when the babies did come, He was the one that drove me to the mall before bible study because my pants were too tight.  Or totally understood the 100 times I called the doctor pregnant with Hunter because I felt something odd...and it was nothing.  And he did believe in me 2weeks before my due date when I urged him again that something was wrong ...so we travel AGAIN to the doctor to find the cord is wrapped around his neck and we must deliver immediately.

He never saved my life from a near death collision.

Twice he held my hand through contractions and twice he watched as the doctor sliced open my tummy. He stood with awe-filled tears as a tiny foot stuck straight out from inside. And smiled big through the weighing and the bathing and the miraculous lives changing. The scars remain and I just view them as a token of our love!

I never changed black-tar-filled diaper because my amazing husband knew how much pain i was in from surgery. 

He’s held doors open, made paper flowers and special note and gifts. He goes to work everyday and works so hard so I can stay home with the kids.  He’s taught Hunter how to ride a bike, fish and work hard. He’s wrestled and tickled and shared his love for motorcycles. He’s carried us when we were too tired or too weak or to heartbroken to stand. Though sleep-starved himself and tired from work, he’s calmed our little ones through sickness or fears. 

He's never saved me from a collision ....thank God

Yet every weekday since the day we met, he’s woken early to go to a job that is HARD just to provide for his family. And through discouragement and heart bleeding, trusts God ALWAYS.  And each evening Hunter watches and listens for the sight or sound of his daddy's truck as he is busting at the seams to get his hands on this awesome man.  And every night he climbs on top of him, trying to be the closest to the man who truly loves his family.

And with kids sleeping he reaches out under the covers with a soft brush of his hand, and he warms me gentle – even when things are ugly and it seems we’re worlds apart, he’s always striving to mend the broken pieces back together.

He’s never saved me from a near death collision...Or stood in front of a city bus saving me with the strength of his arms. 

But he’s climbed stairs to come after me, and knelt right down in humility. He’s showed me real Christian love between a man and a women. Living love in the little monotonous moments. Laying down his life and giving no matter if I am wretched or wrinkled or lovely. He taken my phone calls when he is hanging from a ladder working hard for us just because I want to tell him something our children have accomplished.

And that’s what true love looks like

Like the gospel story lived out in one man and his wife.  I am one blessed lady!

So for anyone wondering if they will ever find love it does exist and the ONE is out there and you just trust and be still it will come!

Watch out world!

In John 10:10 Jesus tells us that "I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full."

I came across this scripture today and boy does it encompass Hunter!  If it is one thing he does is live life to the fullest and utmost passion!  When he does something he is all in...from playing, to making friends, to talking to everyone and ANYONE in the grocery store, to loving and crying!  When Hunter is happy he is HAPPY and when he is mad he is MAD!  He has a huge heart and boy does he catch on quickly to most everything.  As exhausting as it is sometimes with a very high maintenance little booger like Hunter.  I will tell you this...this little guy is going to be fantastic one day at whatever he becomes...because to me he is just simply exceptional!  With God beside him watch out world!

In his own time!

I want to go back at least a good ten years when I began praying...praying hard EVERYDAY that God would bless me with a child. Days went by....years went by...my faith shaken, my soul aching it just wasn't happening.  I had no idea why God wasn't listening to me!  I had to ask myself all kinds of questions...was I praying wrong?  Should I not pray for a child at all?  I did change the way I prayed and I just started asking for God to do his will in my life, whatever that may or may not be.  I also prayed for God to take the longing from my heart if I wasn't supposed to be a mother.  Believe it or not I was at peace with where I was in my life.  Accepting if you will that I was not going to have children of my own.  I suffered the miscarriages...I suffered the doctors saying it would not happen for me.  But the longing never ever changed.  So here I am three years later at 11 pm decorating my house with Batman decor for the most adorable three year old boy.  I can't believe where life has taken me!  I can't believe that all those years I was heartbroken I should have just been still!  I know God hears all prayers of all kinds in all different ways.  And I can tell you he heard and answered mine...IN HIS TIME...IN HIS PERFECT TIME!  I am the mom I want to be, and the wife I want to be and he knew when to place it all in my life!  So for anyone whose faith is shaken, for anyone who questions God.  Please have faith that with him all things are possible.  My Hunter is proof of miracles and the light of my life!  Happy Birthday my sweet boy, your mama loves you more than you will ever know!

Toilette Connoisseur!

That's my Hunter!  The toilette connoisseur. And No, it's not just tinkle and get the heck out of Dodge. It's me being trapped in a stinky, tile-laden prison while Mr. Truck Driver curls up with a magazine to do his daily duty.  Hey, I'm not kidding. He has an affinity for public restrooms. Restaurants, department stores, you name it. And this boy is picky....the restroom has to be just right.  At least he has some discriminating taste, right?  I mean how many little boys do you know that walk into a public restroom go straight to the potty to check out its cleanliness?  I just sit there and pray "Dear God please let this toilet be clean..please I just don't have the energy to make a mad dash to another location!"

  So here's Hunter armed with his toilet paper that has to have soap on it to clean any pee pee he sees before he will think about sitting on the potty.  But yesterday topped the cake.  He had to poopoo BAD!  So bad in fact that on the way to the bathroom he was holding his hiney going " oh oh huh oh huh!"  I wondered if we would make it.  AND THERE IT IS IN THE POTTY a poopoo stain.  I knew it was over...I knew I was going to make the run to a new location.  I knew he would never sit on a potty with poopoo stains even if I flushed it really good.  "And he sees it and says "Whats that...someone's poo poo?" And before I could do or say anything he goes making a dash for the door.  And let me tell u I was not going on the search for a clean potty at a different place so here we go....yes it's the men's room indeed!  Thank goodness the men's room was clean and we had success!  Which is another blog at another time as to why women can't clean up after themselves!!!!

So if any of you have little ones I thought I would help you out with a ratings system of public restrooms in the area. God knows we visited nearly every one.

Target family bathroom: 3 stars (usually peepee on the seat but overall clean)
TJ Max : 1 stars (filthy)
Kohls: 5 stars (clean and has a little potty which to Hunter is fabulous...our favorite!!!)
Trader Joes: 3 stars (a little dangerous cause people always leave the spray too low and from experience tastes awful and stool is rickety)
Food Lion: 0 stars (public health hazard!)

List goes on but blog time is over my kids are destroying our home.

So for all the potty training mamas I can continue updating this list.  And tell you what I have learned...always always carry Clorox wipes.  Always be prepared to use the men's room if necessary..lol!  Always carry a good book sometimes poopoo is a day long adventure!  Always be prepared to visit many locations before the deed is completed if your child has OCD like mine.  And always enjoy it cause before you know it they won't need your help .....they grow up so so fast!

Sent from my iP

Perspective!

Last night I received a text from my neighbor about a friends little boy who needs a heart immediately or he wouldn't make it through the night.  As I write this I am still unsure if lil mike is doing ok this morning.  But what I can tell you is this....  I am not happy with myself for being so frustrated yesterday with my kids.  You see they were not doing any thing but being kids.  But because I was so busy trying to get ready to go to the beach each bad thing they did was multiplied x 1,000 due to my urgency about the tasks at hand.  Each day we seem to forget when we wake up this could be my last day, or my husbands, or my children's.  I don't want to regret a last day!  Last night after that text I will say I prayed to God for a miracle for LIL MIKE and for all of us out there that need a reminder that we must live each day as it were our last.  Our GOD is big and his hands are around this family.  May he also have his hands on all of our lives and remind us to cherish each second!  Hug you children a little tighter!  Kiss your husband a little longer.  I did and I won't have any regrets today!

For months I have been up all night with my babies who are having their own very different issues at night. Dan looked at me and said Kelly I will take the first shift please go get some sleep.  I just love how he knew exactly what I needed at that particular moment.  I fell more in love with him and our life in that moment. I got some great sleep...only being about three hours but a block of sleep none the less was great for me and my soul.  1:30 found us camped out in the living room with our 7 month old while we finished watching a show. I looked at Dan watching TV  and I thought to myself  “Is this really our life? Are we really this lucky?”  2am found us all in our beds..I use that term lightly since my bed seems to be wherever I can grab a few minutes sleep.  Before I knew it, it was 7am and the entire house was up for the day. 3 hours, by the way, is a nap…. not a night’s sleep.

Dan left for work and I settled in for what I was sure would be a long day. An hour into the day I paused to take note of my life. I was sitting on the couch with a crying toddler in my left arm, and my little baby on the other arm just wanting the couch to swallow me or praying they would just be as tired as me and go back to sleep.  We watched Sesame Street continuously, still in our pajamas and I’d yet to brush my teeth. I hadn’t experienced a single 10 minute block of time that didn’t contain crying or whining and for once I was completely calm. More than being calm, I was at peace.  And then it all came to me this is how I am serving God.  I’m not entirely sure why I had that clarity, because God knows I don’t live my days with it. But, then, for that moment, I had it.  This was his intention for me.  I am not supposed to be a doctor or lawyer or leader of the free world.  I am supposed to be the mom of Hunter and Ryder.

This is my life.

This ....uncertainty of a night’s sleep. The juggle of two kids.  The way my heart melts with love for my babies. The way my heart expands to depths previously unimagined cuddling with my children. The days spent at home with the babies while Dan earns a living for our family. The late night feedings. All of it. Two children crying at the same time. Adapting a “divide and conquer” mentality with Dan.  Looking at Dan sometimes and smiling in the middle of a toddler "crisis" almost wanting to giggle because i can remember the days I never thought I would get to experience such a thing. It’s spontaneous trips because we love to get away!  It’s patience when I’d rather yell at a toddler who has been whining for the past hour. It’s yelling when I wish I had patience for my toddler who has been whining for the past hour. It’s success and it’s failure and every conceivable point in between. It’s stealing kisses from my baby who has the prettiest baby grin in the world.   It’s ear infections, fevers, snotty noses.  It’s hearing mama 5,000 times before 8 am.

This is where i am supposed to be right now, and I think I’m finally beginning to really accept it.

It was the peace that took me by surprise sitting there on the couch.  A few months ago, peace wouldn’t be anywhere close to how I would describe motherhood. Days like yesterday would reduce me to tears in a second. And, while I’m not saying that I’ll never be reduced to tears again {hello, reality} it does feel nice to be at peace in the middle of chaos. I think I struggled consciously and subconsciously for a while with the difference between where I was and where I used to be. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I found my rhythm as a mom and as a stay-at-home mom but there was always just something that seemed to still be “off”. I know why, I did a ton of massive life changes in the last 6 years and it just took some time for my identity to catch up to my reality.

I really love my life right now....I mean today...lol you know as a mom sometimes things change!

Oh and I leave for the beach in 4 days...that helps!!!

Ephiany turned frenzy I must catch up!

I started a blog in 2011..mainly just for me to go and journal my day to day.  Well you can see how we'll I did with that.  In my almost 40 years (streak omg almost 40) I have reconciled to the fact that I am poor at follow through.  So last night I got some sleep...if you know anything about my life right now, sleep has been non-existent for the last 3 years, and as of lately sleeping more than an hour here and there is what my norm is.  But last night my friends I slept a full 3 hours in a row and this has given me a renewed strength and an outlook that this run down mama has not had in months!  I woke up and felt nicer, and I didn't feel the need to call the doctor and ask for antipsychotic medication.  I felt like oh my gosh today I am gonna be the best mom ever, I am gonna re-start my blog so that I don't forget a minute of my spectacular life, I am going to write down every little thing my kids do as I don't want to forget a minute.  So that brings me to now, I want to share what my day is like as a stay at home mom of two wonderful boys.  I want to be real and raw because not everyday is easy in hopes that others moms I know can relate and see YOU are not the only one who wakes up feeling crazy and wondering how in the world you can make it through another day without adult conversations.  And I also thought this would be a cool thing for my kids to read one day when I am old and don't make any sense.  So cheers to a mama who got a little sleep which apparently is the best medicine for being who and what I want and need to be.

Also blogging really doesn't fit into my schedule and neither does being grammatically correct as I am most likely blogging as my kids are disassembling our home.  Accept my apologies ahead of time for run on sentences, missing commas and misspelled words for I need much more sleep for all that!